


Not the sharpest lighbulb in the river

by Taon



Category: Among Us (Video Game)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:22:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26817292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taon/pseuds/Taon
Summary: An among us fanfic that reads like a Star Trek episode. One of the stupid ones.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

It was an unusual day on the spaceship because normal days last 12 hours but in space it doesn’t get dark outside. Because there’s space outside. The weather was nice, it wasn’t raining asteroids, space leaves from space trees from an unidentified source weren’t clogging the engines and the ship was flying. At least that’s what everyone thought until someone pressed the button in the cafeteria and the crew had to go to the meeting.

“Who called us, I have wires to do” said White. “Where?” said Red. White gave Red the look and said “In your ass”. Then everyone looked at Purple, who had pressed the button

“Gentlemen...” said Purple “I gathered you here for two reasons. The first one is that I miss you every second I have to do those boring tasks instead of talking about nothing in the cafeteria. The second problem is that when we were on Polus one of you peepeeheads didn’t wipe their shoes like a decent astronaut and stained the floor with some mutant alien matter. I didn’t do anything about it because it’s Yellow’s turn to clean the floors and a moment ago I saw said alien matter crawling around the ship and I just want to say I'm not going to clean that.”

Everyone looked at each other and collectively said  
“Skip”

“What? What do you mean skip, that’s going on?” asked Purple.

“The meeting is over, yea?” asked Blue.

“Jeez, if you want to leave so badly, fine. If you don’t care about a living blob Yellow was supposed to clean up.”

“Okay, Jesus, I’ll clean it. Stop whining, Burple” said Yellow and everyone scattered.  
Yellow didn’t clean up the blob because he thought it wasn’t such a big deal if the mess walked away anyway and instead he went to security to reprogram the screens to show netflix instead of camera footage.

Meanwhile Orange went to the bathroom and when he raised the toilet seat the space blob Purple was talking about jumped out

“AAAA oh no that’s the space blob” screamed Orange, and Red heard his screams because he was walking by but it was kinda strange that Orange was screaming in the bathroom and Red didn’t feel like checking why so he just pretended that nothing happened. Meanwhile the blob disemboweled Orange, put on his skin, and flushed his insides in the toilet. Orange became an Impostor, an alien in a human suit, human skin, and human voice. And he left the bathroom without washing his hands.

He headed to electrical where Blue and Red were doing tasks standing 2 feet apart because they’re not gay.  
“Oh hi Orange, I heard you scream in the bathroom. What happened?” said Red when he noticed him

“The space blob attacked me, it jumped out of the toilet and I shat my pants”

“Oh crap, did it hurt you?”

“Uhh, no, I flushed it so it’s gone”

“Good, you should press the button and tell the others”

“No I’m too lazy”

“Fair enough, I would be too. Okay, I'm going to navigation, bye friends” Red left electrical, leaving only Orange and Blue inside. Blue was just staring at the wiring this whole time. Orange approached him”

“What the hell are you doing, Blue?” Orange asked

“I don’t know how to connect the wires, I’m colorblind”

“Oh” said Orange and they were standing there in awkward silence for 2 minutes until Pink, the only girl on the ship, entered the room.

“Hel-” Pink didn’t finish because Orange stabbed her with his long, sharp impostor tongue, decapitated her and ate her head.

“Finally I managed to fix that wiring- wait what” Blue snapped out of his wire-fixing trance and saw Orange and Pink’s body on the floor. “What happened here?” he asked.

“Pink tripped over the curb and hit her head on the floor’s edge and I thought if she’s dead anyway I won’t waste the meat” said Orange.

“Oh, okay. But shouldn’t we report it?” Blue asked hesitantly.

“No, if you report it we’ll have to share and now we can eat it all”

“I’m not sure if I want to eat human meat”

“Come on, it’s like a romantic dinner” Orange smiled

“Now it’s gay”

“Okay if you don’t want it then get out of electrical, I’ll see you later” Orange sounded offended because he was offended.

Blue left electrical to do other tasks because he was the dumbest of the crew and it wouldn’t cross his mind that there’s a murderer who wanted to share human meat with him on the ship. For blue Orange’s explanation made sense because he used big words such as “curb”

The next day everyone gathered in the cafeteria again, this time it was Cyan who pressed the button.

“Dear friends” said Cyan but Red interrupted him

“Where?”

This time White snapped and bitch slapped Red 

“Ouch, what’s wrong with you White? Why?” Red yelled

“Shut up” said White

“What do you want, Cyan?” asked Yellow

“Have any of you seen Pink? Because I haven’t seen her since yesterday and it’s kind of strange” Cyan finally explained.

“Maybe she’s hiding from you, you sick simp” said Green

“Shut your mouth you grass bean, I’m just worried about our crewmates”

“No but you really were simping, Cyan” Purple interjected “When I cut myself with paper 3 months ago you didn’t care at all but when she broke a nail you rushed to save her with bandages”

“Okay but now she’s lost”

“I told you, she’s probably hiding” said Green and it was getting tense and they probably would’ve started throwing hands if Blue hadn’t interrupted

“Uhh, I saw her yesterday”

“Where?” said Red, again

“Red, I’m going to hurt you” White was getting tired of Red’s bullshit

“Now it makes sense in context, leave me alone” Red was right so White did leave him alone and let Blue talk.

“She was in electrical” Blue continued and the crew was waiting for him to finish, but he didn’t.

“And then what?” asked Cyan

“What was the question again?” Blue really was the dumbest in the crew.

“Blue, focus, for fuck’s sake!” Cyan yelled at him and Blue was scared. Orange was quiet all this time because he thought Blue would report more details but it turned out he wasn’t using any brain cells so Orange decided to speak up.

“Pink was in electrical about 2 minutes after Red left but she only said hi to me and Blue and left, I don’t know where she is”

“Skip” said everyone, except Cyan and Purple

“Really, what is this all about? Is this some kind of inside joke I don’t get or are you just retarded?” Purple asked. But he didn’t get an answer, everyone left, leaving only Purple and Cyan at the table. Cyan sighed. Purple ignored him. Cyan sighed louder”

“Jeez, what?”

“I’m worried about her” Cyan looked sad

“Stop simping, loser” said Purple and left the sad loser at the table alone.

After the meeting Orange grabbed Blue and dragged him to medbay.

“What do you want, Orange?” Blue yelled as he was being dragged to medbay

“I’m going to submit a scan and I need someone to hold my hand” Orange said very loudly so that everyone could hear it

“Oh, okay” said Blue. When they entered medbay Orange closed the door.

“Blue, let’s get this straight, because I don’t think you realize what’s happening on this ship”  
Orange put Blue in a chair and started circling around him like a wolf  
“Pink is dead and we’re the only ones who know about it”

“But that was an accident! She tripped over the c- cr-” Blue didn’t know how to pronounce words he didn’t understand

“Umm, that was an accident, yes” Orange couldn’t believe Blue actually fell for that and genuinely believes him but he wasn’t going to correct him. “But her body disappeared, how will you explain that?”

“...” Blue paused for a second “Uhh what was the question?”

“You fool, we can’t mention Pink to others, they’ll find out she’s dead eventually and they’ll suspect us”

“Suspect us of what?”

“Of murder!”

“Oh no, there was a murder?” Blue was close to shitting his pants

“No, but if a murder happens and you say you were close to the victim they’ll throw us away like garbage, do you understand? We’ll get sent into space like dry leaves from the o2 filter!” Orange yelled and Blue really got scared

“What are we going to do then?”

“You can’t tell anyone I was near the body. And you, too”

“Okay, I won’t tell”

“Good” Orange stopped scaring Blue and headed for the door

“Aren’t you going to scan?” Blue asked before Orange left the room

“No, I’m afraid of needles” said Orange and left med bay. Blue just sat there for a while, wondering where the needles in the scanner were, but after some time his brain started to overheat and he became hungry so he decided to take an early lunch break and have a toast.

\---------------------------  
Blue was in the kitchen waiting for his toast and singing a happy song he just came up with, when he heard the emergency meeting button. He had to choose between attending the meeting and waiting for his toast, and like a loyal, decent and valuable astronaut he was he obviously chose waiting for the toast because if he left it there it would burn, the kitchen would burn, and if the kitchen burned there would be a fire on the ship and he couldn’t allow that.

Meanwhile the rest of the crew gathered around the table. White looked a bit pale

“Guys, I just found Yellow’s body” White said

“Where” Red exclaimed, like he always did. White looked at him menacingly and said

“in electrical”

There was a minute of silence after his response.

“Not me” said Red

“A dead body? Yellow’s dead?” Purple asked “That’s horrible, how will I sleep knowing I was rude to him before he died?”

“I would be more concerned about his killer” said White

“How do you know it was a murder and not, for exapmle, a heart attack?” Cyan asked

“Your head doesn’t fall off when you have a heart attack, Cyan” White answered

“So it means there’s a murderer on this ship?! Holy shit, that means Pink could be a victim too!”

Cyan was having a panic attack

“Or the killer” Orange spoke up. “We never found her body, dead or alive. We don’t know if she’s not hiding somewhere, waiting to disembowel you when you’re alone”

“Hm, kinky” Cyan thought out loud but when he saw the whole crew looking at him he stopped having dirty thoughts. “I mean, where could she- I mean the killer be? The ship is simple. At some point I tried to play hide and seek with Blue and it didn’t work out at all”

“I don’t know, maybe there are some holes, vents or something” Orange started explaining but was interrupted by White who started yelling at him to take Red and check the vents for crewmate eating monsters. That’s when Blue showed up at the table and apologized for being late. Everyone looked at him and collectively thought it was suspicious as fuck that he was the only one who didn’t attend the meeting while there was a dead body in electrical.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Purple asked

“Blue sus?” answered Green, Red, and White

“Only he was absent and now he shows up out of nowhere”

“I was making toast in the kitchen” Blue tried to explain himself “What happened?”  
“It couldn’t have been him, he’s not the sharpest lightbulb in the river…” said Orange walking up to his friend “he wouldn’t hurt a fly, is that true? You wouldn’t kill Yellow”

“Yellow is dead?!”

“I think we should leave. Come on Blue, come with me and Red, we’re searching the vents for monsters and spiders” Orange said

“Stay sharp. Everyone, not only those who went to the vents” Said White. After that the meeting ended and everyone left

Orange, Red, and Blue were walking to electrical, passing through storage and talking about the killer who kills people dead and how terrible you must be to kill friends. When they arrived at electrical Orange told Blue to guard the entrance so that no impostors can get in and rape them when they bend over the vents. Blue did as he was told. After a while though he heard Red’s and Orange’s screams from the inside of the room. Blue ran inside and saw Red’s bloody body and Orange standing next to him with a knife”

“WHAT HAPPENED?!” Blue screamed

“Someone jumped out of the vents and stabbed Red 17 times, I took the knife out of his chest to save him but it was too late!” Orange sounded like he was about to cry

“Oh no, what now?” Blue asked

“We need to tell the others, quick!”

“But in medbay you said-”

“Forget it, just go!”

They both ran as fast as they could to call the meeting

“Guys!” Orange was trying to catch his breath “I don’t know how to tell you this but… but there actually is someone in the vents and…”

“Wow, look, Red hasn’t said ‘where’ yet” White said to himself

“Red is dead! Something jumped out of the vents, killed him and ran away” Orange finished

“Oh… that’s unfortunate” White felt a bit bad now

“I was shocked, I couldn’t see what happened, everything was so fast… but it has to be one of us” Orange said  
“What about Blue? Was he with you? Did he see anything?” Green asked

“I only saw that Red was dead but I don’t know who deaded him” Blue said, sadly

“Hold up…” said Brown, crawling from under the table

“Brown? I didn’t know you were on this mission too” White really was surprised. Why did he hide under the table all this time?

“I was sent here as a substitute and I was pretty much getting paid for sitting under the table all this time but I heard your conversations and after all those meetings I’ve taken some notes because I was bored and it looks like White never liked Red and now Red’s dead.

“Wha- what substitute- huh… maybe it’s you who kills people and hides where no one can see you, in the shadows under the table and you feed on the victims’ heads and it’s probably you who ate my avocado salad last week! And I thought it was Purple and the motherhecker won’t admit it!”

“Hey!” Purple frowned

“Our friend from under the table is right though” Orange said “White was pretty mean to Red all the time”

Everyone agreed with Orange

“I was just saying what we were all thinking, okay? Red really was weird”

“It’s not cool to talk about the dead like this, White. Now I’m starting to suspect you too, you snapped and snapped Red’s neck”

“I wouldn’t do that. And even if I did, what would you do? Throw me out of the window?”

Everyone looked at White as he floated in space, thrown out of the window

“And I thought he was my best friend” said Purple

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Cyan

“Go do your tasks, simp” Purple sighed and left to do his tasks as well


	2. Chapter 2

A week passed since White got brutally ejected by his friends. No one died since then and you could say life was better if it wasn’t for the fact that there were only 6 of them remaining and now the dead people’s tasks had to be done by them, because ghosts don’t exist and even if they did they wouldn’t be able to interact with the physical world. Purple was the only one who was still trying. Without white there was no one to yell at the others to move their butts and get to work, and Purple thought there’s no point in trying to order others around because they wouldn’t listen anyway. This week wasn’t as calm for the orange impostor because since there were only 6 crewmates left they all stuck together in pairs and there weren't any convenient opportunities to eat someone’s brain so he was hungry.

This beautiful space evening Orange and Blue were going to navigation. Orange had to help Blue stabilize the course because Blue’s spaceship driving license had expired and he was scared he would be caught by the space police and get a ticket. On the way Blue started a conversation.

“It’s cool no one is dying anymore, I wouldn’t have thought White was the killer”

“You wouldn't have thought even if he killed right in front of you” mumbled Orange

“What?” Blue didn’t hear it

“Nothing, I’m talking to myself”

“Oh, okay. I talk to myself sometimes, too. Usually when no one else wants to talk to me” Blue responded “And sometimes in the shower, or the kitchen when I make food. Actually not so long ago I came up with a song when I was making toast and I think it’s pretty good, would you like to hear it?” Blue started humming his song and Orange didn’t look happy

“Ugh BLue, shut your mouth, to be completely honest I haven’t eaten in a week and I’m not in the mood for listening to your howling”

“Don’t worry, it’s normal for some people to not eat properly after losing a loved one. Actually if you want I could make you toast after we’re done with the tasks”

Blue’s offer was nice but since Orange was an alien blob in human skin he had to refuse.

“I appreciate it but no, thanks. I’m gluten intolerant and I only eat raw meat” Orange hesitated about that last part for obvious reasons but he thought if Blue already knew so much and didn’t turn him in he could be honest with him. Blue became silent for a moment and then answered.

“Those weight loss diets have always been weird but it’s starting to look unhealthy”

Eventually both astronauts arrived at navigation and Blue sat in the pilot’s seat. For someone else the task would probably take two seconds but Blue was phlegmatic as fuck and tried to small talk Orange at the same time. His current topic was comparing the ship to a helicopter with no propellor and Orange was getting sick of it.

“Blue, I think you’re doing really well” said Orange, interrupting him.

“Thanks, it’s the first time someone said something nice to me in 3 months, 14 days and 9 minutes” 

“In fact, you’re doing so well I think you can finish this task on your own, I need to do something”

“What do you need to do?

“Uhh” Orange thought he could probably tell Blue he’s planning to look for someone to turn into a kebab but he wasn’t sure if he could feel so free around his friend already. Then he thought about killing Blue but after all he was his only alibi in case someone suspected him. He was standing there silently for about 10 seconds and it was becoming a bit awkward.

“I need to go to the bathroom” Orange said quickly and ran off into the ship’s corridors. Blue thought it was a valid reason and decided to wait for his friend where he was.

Meanwhile Orange passed shields, peeked in admin, came back to storage, but he didn’t find anyone. When he walked past electrical he heard Purple and Cyan talking but the conversation was tense and Orange didn’t care about their problems so he kept walking. Then he heard unfamiliar voices next to security so he went inside to check what’s up.

“Hello Orange” Green greeted him. Him and Brown were watching netflix on the screens Yellow reprogrammed right before he died.

“Green, what are you doing here” Orange was visibly confused “Shouldn’t you be doing tasks?”

“We’re watching a romantic comedy, we can’t let Yellow’s work go to waste. I mean I’m watching, as you can see Brown fell asleep” Green looked at Brown.

“Hmm” said Orange

Meanwhile, or actually 5 minutes ago Purple was calibrating the distributor in electrical. Suddenly Cyan appeared at the door.

“Purple, why didn’t you wait for me? We were supposed to stick together”

“Jesus, Cyan, give me some space” Purple wasn’t very happy about Cyan’s company, he kept following him everywhere like a dog, even waited for him at the door when he was in the bathroom and it was starting to get creepy.

“But we need to stick together, what if the murderer attacks you? I need to go with you to protect you” 

“The murderer was thrown out of the window. And you can’t even open jars, Cyan. How would you protect me from the murderer?

“Well, you could also protect me. I need a hero who will make sure I’m safe when I download data from random walls in the ship” Cyan continued

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m just starting to notice how strong you are… and… tall…”

“I’m 3’6’’” Purple corrected him

“But you’re so handsome”

“I’m wearing a spacesuit, my face is covered with a helmet. Where are you going with this Cyan? Are you going crazy after your future girlfriend died and you redirected your miserable simping to me because my suit’s color is the closest one to pink?” Purple didn’t know if he should laugh or cry, this ship was slowly turning into a circus with every passing day.

“I’m not crazy, I just thought if there’s so few of us we could get to know each other a bit better” Cyan was making this conversation very uncomfortable

“I’m not interested”

“Come on, at least give me a chance” 

After that Purple started to regret it wasn’t him who got ejected. He couldn’t stand Cyan and he started to understand why Green said Pink was hiding from him. To be honest, he wouldn’t be surprised if she had jumped out of the garbage airlock to get away from him. Right now he felt like doing the exact same thing.

“Please” Cyan continued. Purple left electrical without a word and half running headed to the cafeteria to press the button

“Just fucking eject me” Purple said at the meeting, his voice cracking “I can’t take this anymore. I was trying to be nice all this time but it’s so pointless. If it wasn’t bad enough that I’m the only person who’s still trying to work there’s also Cyan who won’t stop stalking me everywhere and I can’t get him off my ass”

“Sorry to interrupt your whining, Purple, but you woke me up with that button” Brown spoke up “Green wanted to watch some shitty movie in security with me and I fell asleep and when I woke up the only part left of Green was his legs”

It was this moment that everyone noticed Green wasn’t with them

“So that means White was innocent” Purple said to himself

“So that means the killer is still on the ship” Cyan said to everyone

“We should go back and look for White” Purple announced

“Purple, it’s been a week” said Orange “We won’t find him, and even if we did, he’s dead already. He ran out of oxygen, and even if that wasn’t the case, he froze to death. And even if you ignore all that and assume he’s still alive he would probably show you the middle finger and refuse to come back, he’s always been an asshole.”

“Guys, now is not the time to cry about the dead because we will be dead soon if we throw the wrong person out again” Brown stated confidently “Where was everyone before Green died?”

“I was in electrical with Cyan before he started obnoxiously hitting on me” said Purple “Then I left to press the button and beg for death”

“Hey, I wasn’t hitting on you” Cyan said, a bit angry and a little bit more embarrassed “But I confirm, I was with Purple all the time”

“I was in navigation sitting in the pilot’s seat!” exclaimed Blue “Then Orange went to the bathroom and I was waiting for him to come back” 

“Looks like it could have been Orange” Brown concluded

“Wait, what?” Orange frowned in disbelief

“Back then when Red died there was only you and him in the room, you got separated from Blue for a second and Red was found dead, how will you explain that?”

“Says the guy who was hiding under the table all the way to Polus and back and now wakes up right next to a corpse. Who’s more suspicious here?”

“Blue, how long was Orange gone?” Brown asked

“Uhh, about 30 minutes?” Blue answered

“That’s a bit long for a bathroom break, Orange”

“I don’t judge how long you take a shit, leave me alone! I’ve been sticking with Blue for over a week and I had plenty of opportunities to kill him yet I didn’t, while your companion just died!”

The conversation was getting tense so Purple decided to intervene

“Calm down, you two”

“WE ARE CALM!” screamed Orange and Brown

“Look, we can’t just get rid of anyone we find suspicious, our crew is getting smaller and smaller and we’re running out of people to work and will to live, I’m slowly becoming depressed because we have White’s blood on our hands and other people’s blood on the floor in electrical. If we’re going to throw someone out let’s make sure it’s the right person.

“What do you suggest then, Purple?” Brown calmed down and asked

“We should continue working in pairs, it seems to have been working until now. Report any suspicious behavior and don’t fall asleep on the job”

“Question!” said Blue

“What’s your question?” Purple asked

“What if the murderer kills us when we\re asleep at night?”

“Oh damn, I didn’t think about it” Orange interrupted “I mean, good question”

Purple didn’t know how to answer, he was even more worried now and wished he hadn’t let Blue ask the question

“Don’t worry Blue, we’ll find the motherhecker who killed our friends and eject him before he kills us in our sleep” Brown said giving Orange a disgusted look, to which Orange answered by showing him the middle finger

“So that’s it for the meeting?” Cyan asked

Everyone admitted there was no point in continuing so the crew went back to doing their tasks, like for example cleaning up the dead body in security.

At night everyone went to sleep for a few hours like everyone does at night, until noises from a nearby room woke Blue up. “Oh no” he thought “Someone probably heard my question about killing us in our sleep and now they’re having nightmares!” He said to himself and thought he should go and cheer up whoever needs to be cheered up in these trying times because he knew nightmares weren’t cool. Blue left his room and headed to the room next to him. It was Brown’s room. Blue knocked on the door and the noises stopped.

“Brown, it’s me, Blue! I’m coming to check if you’re not having nightmares because of me because if you are I would feel terrible” Blue yelled, whispering, not to wake anyone up, and then opened the door and couldn’t believe his eyes. Orange was standing next to Brown, or to be more precise next to Brown’s dead body, with a blood stained knife. Brown’s blood, because he just killed him.

“Orange!” Blue screamed “What are you doing?!”

Orange sighed

“Brown was talking too much at the last meeting”

“But is this a reason to stab him with a knife?! You could just tell him to talk less!”

“I don’t think you understand, Blue. I’m an impostor, Brown guessed me.”

“YOU’RE AN IMPOSTOR?” Blue couldn’t believe what he just heard “But… how could you? Why are you a bad killer who kills my friends?!”

“Don’t blame me, I’m an alien who eats raw meat and I had to survive until there’s no one left on the ship to I could take it over and conquer terrestrial planets” Orange grinned “But I’ll tell you something, Blue… maybe you are dumb like a box of rocks and can’t count to 10 at the reactor but I like you. You could say we’re friends” Orange walked up to Blue and Blue started to back off until he hit his back on the closed door.

“You had so many opportunities to turn me in but you never did” Orange continued “I appreciate it. Maybe we could make a deal, how about that?” Blue didn’t answer so Orange kept talking “We’ll get rid of Purple and Cyan and then go back to Polus to live happily ever after” At this moment Orange seemed to be flirting with Blue and Blue had no idea what to do about it. Suddenly the door Blue was leaning against opened and he fell on the floor. 

“Ouch” said Blue, but he soon realized what just happened and he quickly got up and rushed to the cafeteria.

In the middle of the night the button was pressed by Blue

“What the hell do you want, it’s the middle of the night” Cyan murmured

“I’m sorry” Blue was stressed

“Blue… what are you doing?” Orange looked at him, clearly pissed  
“Orange killed Brown and everyone else, and wanted to kill you too, except me because we’re friends but now my friend killed another friend and my heart is torn!” Blue said in a single breath

“Did you see him kill?” Purple asked

“What? Blue is talking bullshit” Orange tried to defend himself

“Actually Brown was suspecting you and now he’s dead…” Cyan interrupted

“Blue said the murderer could kill you in your sleep!” Orange yelled “I mean in OUR sleep, he kills when we sleep!”

“Okay let’s just throw him out” said Purple

“Wait, this isn’t over yet!” Orange objected

“Dude, I’m tired as fuck, if Brown died it’s just me and the three of you. One is a creep, one is an idiot, and you’re suspected of being a cannibal. All good people from this ship are dead so if we throw the wrong person out now, I don’t care. I vote for Orange, whatever.”

“I’m sorry Orange but murder is a bad thing and you did that thing 4 times and I have to vote for you” Blue was sad that it turned out to be Orange but he knew the only right thing to do was ejecting the fucker into space. 

“Wait, Cyan-” Orange didn’t manage to finish because Purple said the discussion is over and with blue they dragged Orange to the airlock and threw him out along with dry leaves and diamonds that someone put in the trash for some reason

The rest of the crew would've lived happily ever after if it wasn’t for the fact that they became depressed after those traumatic events. But they survived and are still alive and that’s half a battle.


	3. Alt ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an alternate ending for CrispyCrispp because I appreciate that they wrote a comment in the context of the story and I decided it's worth writing a third part for them

It was night. Everyone was sleeping like everyone does at night. Except insomniacs and impostors planning a murder. Orange was both of them but his sleep problems aren't important to the story so let's focus on the latter. He was an impostor and decided to kill a crewmate in his room at night. The door was closed so he took a lockpick out of his pocket and didn't actually use it because it was an automatic spaceship door and not for example granny's pantry. It was more like a supermarket door that opens when you come close but this one was stuck because the ship wasn't exactly brand new, it was used and bought second hand. Orange slammed his fist on the door and it opened. He entered the room and noticed Brown was still asleep despite the noise. Just like he slept through Green's murder that happened right next to him the day before. It made Orange forget there were other crewmates he could possibly wake up. He walked up to Brown and was about to grab a knife to chop his head off when he realized he left it in his room. Unlucky. He thought about going back but he was too lazy so he choked Brown with a pillow. That's when he heard someone behind the door 

"Brown? It's me, Blue! I'm coming to check if you're not having nightmares because of me because if you are I would feel terrible!"

Orange didn't know what to do about it so he didn't answer and just waited for Blue to come in, which he did.

"Orange?" asked Blue, surprised "what are you doing here?"

"Uhh, you heard the sounds too?" Orange asked with noticeable guilt in his voice but Blue didn't notice because he's a moron. "I came here to check what's happening"

"Oh, and what's happening?" 

"Umm…" Orange didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything. Blue walked up to Brown, who was dead because he got choked, but Blue didn't notice that either.

"Brown, were you having nightmares? I came here to say don't worry about the bad killer who kills us in our sleep that I mentioned at the last meeting" Blue was half whispering half screaming.

"Blue, he's sleeping" Orange interrupted

"Then where did the sounds come from if it's not him?" 

"I'm guessing the impostor was here but ran away when I came in. Let's go back to our rooms, it's getting kind of weird that we're talking in someone else's room while he's asleep, I don't want him to think I'm a creep"

"Okay, see you tomorrow Orange!" Blue left the room and Orange still couldn't believe all this was actually happening. He expected the crew to be smarter. Turned out no one on the ship was particularly clever but Blue was a total oddity. He was so dumb Orange would feel bad about killing him. Originally he was planning to kill him last but he was becoming more and more inclined to spare him and keep him as a house pet after he's done with the rest of the crew and redirects the ship back to Polus.

The night was over and it was morning that didn't exist because we're in space. But it was the time when everyone wakes up so they did and got to work. Cyan followed Purple again, Blue was doing those annoying squares in reactor and kept forgetting the order. Orange decided to take advantage of the fact that no one has asked about Brown yet and dragged his corpse to the vents. Fortunately it fit because he had no time or desire to dismember the body in the morning. Hr was just hoping no one would accidentally find it but on the other hand why would anyone check the inside of the vents.

Afternoon passed and Cyan was pissing off Purple for the whole day. Purple was getting really tired of everything. Not only was Cyan making everything awkward for him but also Purple had to do all the tasks on his own because the only survivors were just messing around. And the only survivors who were messing around weren't good conversation partners. He was running out of patience and mental health. Cyan was following Purple from o2 to storage garbage chute trying to start a conversation

"...the weather is nice today"

"you've already mentioned the nice weather. And I've already told you there's no weather, we're in space." Purple answered.

"Have you ever wondered…" Cyan kept talking 

"Oh god, here we go again" Purple saud to himself

"...where those leaves in the garbage come from?" Cyan finished

"Oh, you're asking about leaves, honestly I thought it would be something along the lines of 'have you ever wondered if we could be together', like always"

"Why? Have you wondered about that?" Cyan smirked

"Cyan…"

"yes?"

Purple grabbed Cyan's arm and moved him 2 steps away. 

"don't move" Purple said and pulled the lever. That's when Cyan realized he was standing on the garbage chute. But by the time he realized that he was already floating in space with dry leaves and diamonds that someone put in the garbage for some reason. 

Purple looked at Cyan with cold blood and left to do his tasks in generator, adding Cyan's tasks to his list because now Cyan definitely wouldn't be able to do them himself.

Blue was still in reactor doing the same task. He kept messing up but even though he didn't look frustrated or angry he was happy to see Purple coming in. It's always better to do annoying tasks while talking to a friend.

"Hello Purple" Blue greeted him

"Didn't you do that task in the morning?"

"Yeah, I haven't finished yet. Where's Cyan? He's not following you anymore?"

"I threw him out with the garbage because he was annoying" said Purple, completely unfazed"

"Wait, you did what?" Blue was scared

"Look, I just want to finish the job and go back to Earth so step away, I'll do this task for you" Purple offered and Blue moved away but kept talking 

"But doesn't ejecting people into space lead to their death?"

"Most likely"

"So that means you killed Cyan?"

"Most likely"

Blue stood there for a while and then rushed to the button in the cafeteria. He tripped over some wires on the way but he got up quickly and pressed the button.

The only people at the table were Blue, Orange, and Purple.

"Hold on, where's Brown?" asked Blue 

They went to his room but Brown wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere on the ship. They even checked the vents, but not the ones there the body was hidden. Brown was nowhere to be found. 

"Purple, did you kill Brown too?" yelled Blue with tears in his eyes but no one could see the tears because he was wearing a helmet 

"Too?" asked Orange, visibly confused "Purple, what happened?" 

"Purple looked at his friends in silence and thought, if there's just the three of them left, and his two remaining companions are Blue the idiot and his friend Orange, there's no point in trying to keep the ship running 

"I'm an impostor" said Purple like he stopped caring at all "I killed Cyan, eject me"

Orange wanted to say something but he was at a loss of words. Him and Blue stood there looking at Purple in disbelief but they didn't manage to say anything 

"Or you know what? Purple added "go frick yourselves. I'll eject myself. Goodbye." After those words he left the ship and didn't come back because he couldn't but even if he could he wouldn't anyway. 

Orange and Blue couldn’t believe what just happened. Now the entire crew was dead leaving only them. Blue was really sad and with his color blindness, lack of movement coordination, and terrible memory he wasn’t able to finish the tasks on his own. Orange couldn’t help him much because how would an alien impostor know how to do tasks of professional astronauts. He tried to change the course to Polus but he had no idea how to pilot a spaceship so he pressed some random buttons in navigation and suddenly red lights started flickering everywhere, ear raping sirens went off and that meant the reactor was melting. Orange freaked out and started looking for Blue but as soon as he found him the time was up and the reactor exploded with half of the ship. For a second they thought it was over for them. Fortunately another ship was passing by and decided to help.

That’s how Blue and Orange moved to another ship and Blue didn’t have to be sad that his friends are gone. Orange however got accused of murder after his first kill on the new ship but instead of ejecting him the crew made him do community service for 3 months and that punishment was enough to make him stop killing people and go vegetarian.


End file.
